Naya Rivera's ex-husband Ryan Dorsey is speaking out about her shocking death for the first time.

It's been nearly five years since the Glee star tragically drowned July 8, 2020, when she was just 33 years old while she and their then-4-year-old son, Josey, while swimming off a boat in Lake Piru in Ventura County, California, per People. Dorsey admitted that he has turned down opportunities to talk about her death in the past because it was still "too hard," but even though it is still difficult, he finally feels ready to open up about that eventful summer day.

The Big Sky actor recalled how he was celebrating friend's birthday in Big Bear Lake, California, when he got a call from Rivera's mom's husband telling him that the actress had gone missing while out swimming with Josey.

"I instantly said, 'What do you mean? She knows how to swim,'" he said. "He said, 'They jumped in, and Josey got back on, and they're trying to find Naya.' I collapsed into a pallet of drinks. I didn't know what to think, but I feared the worst."

He said he sped the entire 145 miles to Lake Piru, chain-smoking and crying as he desperately tried to get to his son. Josey was found sleeping on the pontoon boat that Rivera had rented hours earlier, but it took five days for rescue divers to find Rivera's body, which Dorsey called "the worst five days of my life."

"If we'd have lost both Naya and Josey, I don't know how I would continue on with my life," he said. "I don't know what I would've done, but I'm sure it wouldn't have been good."

The Justified actor said that Josey has recalled more details over the years, such as how windy it had been that day and how Rivera told him to swim back to the boat when she noticed it drifting away. According to People, the boat reportedly didn't have an anchor or floatation devices on board, leading to a wrongful death lawsuit.

"He said that the last thing she said was his name, and then she went under, and he didn't see her anymore," he tearfully recalled. "It just rocks my world that he had to witness her last moments."

Both he and his son have a lot of guilt over Rivera's passing. Dorsey imagines he could've "saved the day" by jumping in after her but worries that "something bad could have happened to both us," while Josey wishes he could have done something different to rescue his mom.

"Something he's said over and over is that he was trying to find a life raft, and there was a rope, but there was a big spider on the rope, and he was too scared to throw it," he said. "I keep reassuring him, 'Buddy, that rope wasn't going to be long enough.' That obviously still sticks out in his head because he feels like he could have saved her. I think she just got caught up in a brush — that or a weird undercurrent from the dam. It was just a freak occurrence."

Dorsey also shared some insight into their now 9-year-old son, who he said takes after his mom.

"He's definitely his mama's son, because when he doesn't get the answer he wants, he keeps talking. He likes to talk, and that's mama for sure," the proud dad explained, adding that his friendliness extends to people he just met. "He doesn't know a stranger. He is such a happy kid."

E. WHITE