February 14th is here, which unfortunately means we have to tolerate Valentine's Day for a full 24 hours.
If you enjoy Valentine's Day, and/or have been looking forward to this day, please leave, this isn't for you. If you're annoyed by the day, love and other people's supposed 'happiness' today, then you can stay.
I now present to you, 10 Reasons Valentine's Day is the Actual* Worst.
1. Roses are a completely impractical gift.
Even though they are pretty & smell nice, they'll die in a week. So... what exactly are you trying to tell me about our relationship?
2. Cards are stupid.
We all know Valentine's Day is just a Hallmark holiday anyways, but WHY would I spend $4-$8 on a piece of paper, with a meaningless message on it, that I didn't even write? Also, after you read it, what are you supposed to do with it? You can't keep it forever, cuz it's stupid, but you also don't want to just throw it away, because then you feel like a dick.
3. This is just a reminder for your Mom to call and ask you why you're still single.
Yes Mom I'm still single. No Mom I don't plan on dying alone.
4. High expectations, low success rate.
Let's be honest, after all the excitement & planning, have you ever had a successful Valentine's Day that left you all warm & fuzzy inside? No, no you have not.
5. It's a complete waste of money.
You get the card, the flowers, the reservations, a gift, and what are you left with? An empty bank account and regret. So much regret.
6. Making dinner reservations is a nightmare all in itself.
Ain't nobody got time for this. You have to book 3 months out if you want to eat at a semi-ok restaurant and eat between the hours of 5PM & 8PM. I have a strict 9PM bedtime and my bed is the second most important thing in my life, after my momma, shout out to Drake.
7. The jewelry commercials are unbearable.
Talk about unrealistic expectations. This commercial started out on the right track and derailed at the end.
Excuse me while I vomit.
8. We all have that one friend who recently got out of a serious relationship and is a complete mess.
And you feel obligated to sit with them all night and say things like, "you can do so much better" & "he wasn't even that cute". When all we really want to do is get drunk on wine and make fun of Nicholas Sparks movies.
9. For some reason, all the responsibilities of this day fall on the guy, yet the girl is the only one who cares.
Seriously, someone find me one guy who is actually into this holiday. Just one. I'll pay you money.
10. At the end of the day you just end up getting a little jealous of all the people on social media who are pushing their happiness on you, which makes you hate yourself and this day even more than you thought you already did.
The cycle continues.