These are just the top ten worst,
"I set a bunch of plastic on fire on my stove trying to smoke out some birds in my exhaust and I think the burning plastic made me really sick and I can't see, I'm going to sit outside for awhile and get some fresh air then I'll come in"
"My girlfriend threw all my shirts in the dryer and they're all still wet". This kid used that excuse three or four times a week.
"My car lock is frozen and I can't get the key in but that's OK the car isn't going to start anyway, I don't know when I'll be in"
"I ate some acid last night and I'm not sure how sane I am yet, I'll probably be a few hours”
Once had a guy call in sick. Two hours later he called in to say his basement had flooded, forgetting that he had already called in. In reality he was just really drunk.
He called and said, "I drank too much and fell asleep on someone’s floor- I don’t know where I am."
An employee phoned in before his shift to say that he couldn't come in to work because his mom had put his uniform in the washing machine and he didn't know how to open it.
Dude was 21 years old...
"I cut my fingernails too short yesterday my hands hurt I can't work today.”
"The train had a flat tire, and my car ran late."
Employee’s wife found out he was cheating. He had to spend the day retrieving his belongings from the dumpster.